She climbs a tree and sits in its branches, listening. She loves the woods and listens there, too. She has a special friend—a rock. She gives it a name and eats her lunch with it whenever she can. She keeps the window open next to her bed even on the coldest nights. She loves the fresh air on her face. She pulls the covers tight around her chin and listens to the mysterious night sky. She believes that her grandmother is present even though everyone else says she is dead. Each night, she drapes the curtain over her shoulders for privacy, looks out the window near her bed, listens for Grandma, and then says silent prayers for her.

Her imagination is free for a time. She needs no priest or teacher to describe "God" to her. Spirit erupts spontaneously in colorful and unique expressions. God is Grandma, the twinkling evening star, the gentle breeze that washes across her face, the peaceful, quiet darkness after everyone has fallen asleep, and all the colors of the rainbow. Because she is a girl, her experience and expression of spirit is uniquely feminine. It flows from her essence as naturally as a breath. The spirit of the universe pulsates through her. She is in love with herself.

Eventually the girl-child will turn away from the Spirit-filled One she once was. Her original spirituality will become confined within the acceptable lines of religion. She will be taught the right way to imagine and name God. "He" will be mediated to her through words, images, stories, and myths shaped, written, and spoken by men. She will adopt the God she is given. It is too dangerous to rebel. If she dares to venture out of the lines, if she insists on communing with the spirit of a tree, the mysterious night sky, or her Grandma, she will be labeled a heretic, a backslider, or a witch. She is told:

Prideful One,
Your grandma is not God; neither is your favorite star or rock.
God has only one name and one face.
   You shall have no gods before him.
God is Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. He is if found in the church,
   in the heavens, in the holy book, not in you.
God is the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. He is God of the
   fathers and sons; the daughters have no say in the matter.
Remember:
   As it was in the beginning, it is now and ever shall be.

The Spirit-filled One falls asleep. Occasionally she awakens to remind the girl-child-turned-woman of what she once knew. These periodic reminders are painful. The woman fills her life with distractions so she will not hear the quiet inner voice, calling her to return home to her own spirituality.

Years later, new teachers enter the woman’s life—a therapist, a self-help group, a women’s support circle, a beloved friend, or perhaps this book. They remind her of what she once knew:

Spirit-filled One,
Your grandma is God and so are your favorite star and rock.
   God has many names and many faces.
God is Mother, Daughter, and Wise Old Crone.
   She is found in your mothers, in your daughters, and in you.
God is the God of Sarah and Hagar, of Leah and Rachel.
   She is Mother of All Living, and blessed are her daughters.
You are girl-woman made in her image.
The spirit of the universe pulsates through you.
   Be full of yourself. You are good. You are very good.

Women are reclaiming the divine feminine today. Surrounded by women from every age and inspired by their courage, we are committing the forbidden acts of naming and imagining the gods of our understanding as Goddess, Woman God, and God the Mother. Although we are not all devotees of the Goddess, it has been essential for us to extend our historical and theological vision to include the divine feminine. Some find her within traditional religion in the images and stories of Eve and Mary, Sophia and Shekhinah, Miriam and Esther, Naomi and Ruth, Tamar and Susanna, and of countless unnamed women. They are incorporating these women’s stories into their liturgies and prayers. Others find her on the margins of patriarchal history in the images and stories of the Goddess. They are incorporating her images into their paintings and songs, their altars and prayers, and they are weaving her ancient festivals and beliefs into their unfolding spirituality.




Excerpted from A Woman in Love with Herself by Patricia Lynn Reilly (Berkeley, Calif.: Conari Press, 1999).
Copyright © 1999 by Patricia Lynn Reilly

Used by arrangement with Conari Press, Inc.